Home, Sweet Home – Making Our House Into a Home

Oh so much on my mind lately. I guess that’s why I haven’t blogged in several weeks. This has been the year of changes. I’ve blogged about many of those changes in recent posts. There has been so much on my mind (nothing bad) that I haven’t had the energy to put it in writing. So now, it’s 11:35pm and I have to be up at 6:00am. I made the mistake of drinking a non-decaf cup of coffee when I got home. I can’t sleep so I’m hoping that writing will be very therapeutic for me tonight.

July 4 will be 3 months of marriage for Jerrad and me. To be honest, things have been great. We’ve only had one fight and it was because I told him I wasn’t qualified for a job. He got mad at me for putting myself down. That was it. I’ve learned more about myself in almost three months than I have in the last 3 years. I learned how truly selfish I can be. I’ve learned that I can’t get my feelings hurt because he didn’t do something (or did do something) if I didn’t tell him exactly what I wanted to begin with. I learned that I’m much more emotional than I ever realized. But I also learned that I’ve been robbed. Sounds strange, huh? Last night Jerrad and I had dinner with a family where the husband and wife had been married for 11 years, had their first child after 7 years of marriage, then had their second child last year. They are best friends. I think 7 years of marriage with just the two of you would make you best friends, would teach you how to enjoy each other’s company, to find comfort and joy in each other. I’m jealous. I wish Jerrad and I could have met and married earlier so that we could have had more time to enjoy and get to know each other. There are no plans for children anytime soon, but we don’t want to wait too long as I’ll be 30 {{yikes}} on Tuesday.

Right now, I hate church. That’s right, I said it. I hate church. And not for any of the reasons you may be thinking. Background info…when Jerrad and I got married, I moved 45 minutes (about 30 miles) away from my hometown because he owned a house and I didn’t. Plus, his house payment was cheaper than any rent around. Because of the distance of the move, I have had to change churches. It just really isn’t feasible for us to drive 45 minutes to church twice a day on Sunday and once on Wednesday, and all the other times. I had been at Arial for about 10 years. My whole family goes there. My best friends go there. It was home for me. We have been going to NHBC, a church very similar in makeup to my home church. It’s just not the same. I miss Arial. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss the feeling that everyone knows me and my talents and that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. I miss that everyone knows me and I know their names. I miss having people to talk to. I don’t mean the casual small talk that I hate having with people I don’t really know just to keep from having awkward silence. [By the way, I don't mind awkward silence. The shy introvert in me enjoys the silence. It's much easier than making up something unmeaningful to talk about.] Anyway, I’m talking about talking with my friends about Crazy Lady, and Bobcat, and Burnout, and the list goes on. Things that only we know about but that mean so much to us! So needless to say, church just reminds me of what I don’t have anymore. I’m sad, but a little interested and excited to see what God has in store for me.

And speaking of church, Jerrad and I visited another church. Gasp! It’s a little more contemporary than NH, but we really enjoy the music. The preaching is NOWHERE as good as Brian’s. More than anything, we want to attend a church where both of us can be used, where we’ll have joy in what we do, and where both of us have or can make friends. Making new friends is very important to me right now since I don’t have any around here and I can’t expect mine to always make the trek up here to see me (making friends isn’t always easy for the shy introvert). But we’re praying and seeking God’s will and taking advantage of every opportunity he presents us with.

One last comment on this epic post…I’ll be 30 on Tuesday. I don’t feel 30. I really believe that age is just a state of mind. I still feel 24-25 and I haven’t started to have the aches/pains that everyone said I would by now. My sister-in-law tells me it’s only because I haven’t had kids yet. lol! Looking back over the last 30 years, I have been tremendously blessed. I can only hope that the next 30 will be just as great.

Goodnight. I’m going to try to get some sleep now. That is after I watch a Friends rerun.